does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
