The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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