i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
