Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
