Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
