Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
