All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
last night I used snow as a chaser
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