I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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