She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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