I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
