so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
