I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
In America we eat man semen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize