You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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