I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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