last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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