Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
