did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She's JV to your varsity
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
