giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
