he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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