Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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