I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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