I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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