I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
