Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.

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(713): View more from Texas

I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.

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(315): View more from New York

I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.

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(954): View more from Florida

So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?

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(480): View more from Arizona

There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him

Fav 5 427 283
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES

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