I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I smell stomach acid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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