You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize