I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
