Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
