You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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