Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
