remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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