I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
