Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
