Already got asked if we're dating
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
