Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
