and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
