Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
