He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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