just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
3pm strippers are depressing
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
