you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
