So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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