We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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