umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
