do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
