Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
