are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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