he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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