so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
