Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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