i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
