There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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