Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
