The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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