why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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