I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
