YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize