Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
