you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
is it fun? or sober?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
