I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
