the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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