Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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