It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
