My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
