Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
