All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
