Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
