Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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