so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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